So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
