I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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