And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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