The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
