he puts the penis in happiness.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
