it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
