yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
