My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
