im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
