We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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