All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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