The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
