did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
