White coat. Heels.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
