At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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