some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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