It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
