I didn't shave. On purpose
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize