shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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