Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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