we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
