And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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