Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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