pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
