He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
