You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
