The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize