so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
