There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
