Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
