yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
