Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
