Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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