you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think I sprained my soul last night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
