Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
