I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
