Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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