Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
