He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
