Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
