Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Drunk is a universal language darling
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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