I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
