The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
