we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
