I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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