K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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