Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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