"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
