You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
