Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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