why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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