Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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