I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
