I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
