My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
