why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
