I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
