i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
