I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
