Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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