I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize