Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
