I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
