consequently i now know what mace tastes like
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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