you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
