Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
