I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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