i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
