I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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