Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You are the jesus of drinking
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize