it's not cheating when I paid for it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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