he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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