Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
