Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize